It has been nearly two and a half months since my motor vehicle accident that has left me out of work and homebound since late December. While I have healed from the physical injuries, I have yet to make a recovery with the inside of my body. I continue to fight an uphill battle in dealing with the vasovagel syncope. Last month, my cardiologist diagnosed me with it and said it wasn’t going to be easy and that it was incurable. While the symptoms may get better in time, it will never go away, nor is there a guarantee that any of it will get better.

The battle I face echoes thousands in the same position I am in, though the particular predictment; maybe a few hundred. Having crashed my car after having a vasovagel attack is rare. Not many people black out while they are driving, but I did, and also had three black outs total in a year. The doctors have put me on a strict car diet, as in if I dare get behind the wheel I risk not having a license ever again. People with my severity of the disease generally are not allowed to drive for an extended period of time due to the fact that I’m likely to get into a serrious accident or potentially cause great harm to myself. I have only a few seconds of warning about the attacks, not minutes, making it near uncontrollable.

As of late, I had thought I was improving slightly. No attacks for one week was an improvement to the near daily attacks I was having. However, this all proved wrong this past Saturday night when I suffered three attacks in one hour. The first,
subtle. The second, pressuring but I dealt with it. The third, I collapsed.

To say any of this is easy would be misleading. To say it’s hard would be an all out understatement. Am I afraid? Absolutely. I don’t know what could happen from one minute to the next and the fear of death still plagues each attack. I’m scheduled to return back to work this Friday, and my hope is that I can. This homebound stuff is not for me in any stretch of the imagination. It’s Monday evening, however, and I’m still not sure if it’s certainty. The last visit I had with my cardioligist last week was grim, and I’m still plagued with not being able to drive.

Due to the nature of the disease, I will be having a stress test on Thursday morning. The visit with my main doctor is tommorow afternoon. My hopes are that he can give me some kind of clearnace, some kind of return to normalcy, even though my life prior to that December day will never return. I have had to make numerous lifestyle changes, most of which are diet changes and changes to my daily schedule.

While I’m in no grave danger, the situation warrants extreme monitoring. One thing is certain; no matter where this road takes me, I am committed to being the strong, optimistic individual that I have become.

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